We made it through encopresis and I just want someone to know it really does end
My daughter turned 5 last month and I genuinely did not think we would ever be here. Two and a half years of accidents, laundry, pediatrician visits, tears (mostly mine honestly), and the specific kind of shame that comes with this condition that nobody talks about out loud. At the worst point she was having accidents every single day, sometimes multiple times. I pulled her from her first preschool because I was so scared of the phone calls. My husband and I argued constantly about whether we were doing too much or not enough. I cried in a parking lot more times than I can count. We worked with her care team for a long time, adjusted things slowly, stayed consistent with the routine even on the days it felt completely pointless. And then somewhere around this past spring things just... shifted. She started asking to use the bathroom. She started telling me when she felt something. She had a full week with no accidents and I sat on the bathroom floor and sobbed. She started kindergarten three weeks ago. She has not had a single accident. She came home on the third day and told me she used the bathroom at school by herself and I had to go to another room so she did not see me cry. If you are in the thick of it right now, I just want you to know it is real and it is hard and you are not doing anything wrong. And it can get better. It did for us. Sending so much love to every parent in this group.
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I needed to read this tonight. My 3 year old (one of my twins, the other one somehow has zero issues, which is its own kind of maddening) has been in the thick of it for almost a year now. We are doing everything we are supposed to be doing and some days I wonder if the finish line actually exists. This post is proof that it does. Thank you for coming back to tell us.
The twin comparison thing sounds exhausting in a way that is really hard to explain to people who haven't lived it. Same house, same food, same everything and completely different experiences. Please hang in there. A year felt like forever to us too and then one day it genuinely wasn't.
yes exactly. I have two kids eating the same breakfast and one of them heads to the potty like a little professional and the other one is in full avoidance mode and I just stand there holding two identical bowls of oatmeal thinking... what is happening. anyway. following this thread with a lot of hope.
okay I know my baby is only 10 months and encopresis is not even on my radar yet but I'm up at 1am feeding her and I saw this and I just started crying. the part about crying in the parking lot. I feel that so much right now for completely different reasons. you are so brave for sharing this.
Please don't apologize for being here, the parking lot crying is universal I think. You are doing great even if it does not feel like it at 1am.
thank you. needed that. going to try to sleep now. this whole thread is making me feel less alone.
Can I ask, when things started to shift for your daughter, did you notice anything in particular that seemed to help? Or was it genuinely more of a gradual thing where you couldn't point to one moment? We've tried adjusting routines a few times and I'm never sure if I'm changing too much too fast or not enough.
Honestly it was so gradual that I almost missed it happening. There was no single turning point I can point to. What I do think helped was that we stopped making the bathroom feel like a big event, like we tried really hard to bring the emotional temperature down around it even when we were panicking inside. Consistent sit times after meals, keeping the bathroom stocked with things she liked (a little stool, her favourite book she only got to look at in there). But I want to be careful saying this because what worked for us might be completely different from what your daughter needs. Your care team really is the best person to ask about tweaking the routine. I'm just one data point.
came back this morning to re-read this whole thread. the bit about her telling you she went at school by herself and you having to leave the room... I cannot imagine how that felt but I hope I get to feel something like it someday. bookmarking this forever.