My 4 year old will only eat about 6 foods and I'm honestly at a loss
So our daughter has been in this extremely limited eating phase for almost a year and a half now and I keep waiting for it to pass but it just... isn't passing. She eats plain rice, plain pasta with nothing on it, plain bread, cucumber slices with the skin peeled off, those little orange cheddar crackers, and occasionally a banana if the texture is right that day. That's basically the entire list. I try not to make meals a big dramatic thing because I read that pressure makes it worse. So I put the food on her plate, I eat my own food, I don't comment on what she does or doesn't eat. But inside I'm quietly panicking every single night. She's 4, she's small for her age, and her pediatrician keeps saying she's developing fine and to try not to stress, but it's hard not to when you watch your kid push away plate after plate. My wife and I have had a few arguments about this, honestly. She thinks I'm too relaxed about it and I think she's too focused on it at the table which might be making things worse. Neither of us really knows what we're doing. Has anyone actually made progress with an extremely picky eater this age? Like real progress, not just one good day. I'm not expecting her to eat a salad. I'd just love it if she'd try a plain piece of chicken or something. Anything.
Replies · 13
Oh this brought tears to my eyes because I went through almost exactly this with my grandson. He is also 4 and for a long time I thought I was doing something wrong. I would cook what I knew, the things that comforted me, and he would not even look at the plate. It hurt in a way that is hard to explain to someone who hasn't felt it. I have no magic answer, I want to be honest about that. But I noticed that when I stopped making a separate meal just for him and just let him sit with us and eat whatever part of what we were having he could manage, even if that was only the plain bread roll, something very slowly started to shift. It took months. Honestly many months. And he still refuses so many things. But he tried a piece of plain boiled potato last week and I almost cried right there at the table. I am not saying this is the answer, just sharing what happened for us. You sound like a wonderful father.
Thank you, that actually means a lot to hear. And congratulations on the potato, I know exactly how big that is. We had a moment a few months ago where she touched a piece of cooked carrot with her finger and I had to act like it was completely normal even though I wanted to cheer.
Yes, acting normal is the whole game, isn't it. I have become a very good actress at the dinner table.
No advice right now I'm too tired, just following because my 3 year old's list is almost identical to yours and I needed to know someone else was living this too.
Honestly that's enough. Solidarity counts.
The arguments with your partner hit home. My husband thinks I'm catastrophizing and I think he doesn't take it seriously enough. We're probably both a little right and a little wrong but it's exhausting to not even be on the same page when you're already exhausted. Our daycare provider keeps telling us she eats better there and I don't know whether to feel relieved or offended.
Oh that daycare thing would absolutely do my head in. Relieved and offended sounds exactly right. We've heard similar things at preschool, like she sometimes eats something there she would never touch at home, and I genuinely cannot explain it. Something about the group eating dynamic I guess? Kids watching other kids? I don't know.
I know my baby is only 10 months so I'm not really in the same place yet but I'm already scared of this. She's already so particular about textures. reading this thread at 1am and just, I don't know. the idea of years of this is a lot to sit with.
Sweet one, at 10 months texture sensitivity is so normal. I remember worrying like this too. Please try to rest if you can, and if the worry keeps growing do mention it to her doctor. But many children who struggle with textures early on find their way. You are clearly so attentive already.
thank you. I needed someone to say that. pediatrician appointment is next week, I'll bring it up.
One thing that helped us a tiny bit, and I mean tiny, was letting her have some control over what went on her plate even if all the choices were things she already liked. Like she'd pick between cucumber or crackers as her side. She can't touch the new food but at least she felt like the meal wasn't happening to her. Very slow going but our feeding therapist actually suggested that direction. Might be worth asking your pediatrician if a feeding evaluation makes sense, some kids do really well with that kind of support.
We haven't looked into a feeding evaluation actually. I didn't know that was a thing you could ask for. I'm going to bring it up at her next appointment. Thank you for mentioning it, genuinely.
Wanted to come back this morning and say thank you to everyone who replied last night. I posted kind of late and didn't expect much response. It helped more than I can explain to just hear that other families are in this too and figuring it out one small step at a time. Going to ask about a feeding evaluation at our next visit and also going to stop making two separate dinners every night because honestly that is exhausting and maybe it's not helping anyway. My wife read the thread too and I think it helped us both feel a little less alone in it. Small steps.