5 year old going 4-5 days between poops and I'm losing my mind a little
Okay so my daughter just turned 5 and for the past maybe two months she will go literally four or five days without a bowel movement and then when she finally goes it's this massive painful thing and she cries and then avoids the toilet for another five days because she remembers it hurt. I can see exactly how this cycle is working and I cannot figure out how to break it. We already do pretty well with water, she has a water bottle she actually likes and drinks from it all day. Fruit is okay, she eats apples and pears. Vegetables are a harder sell but she will eat peas and carrots if I hide them in things. She is not a huge fan of anything that looks too fibery if she knows about it. The part that's really getting to me is the toilet fear now. She actually held it in at school last week and came home looking miserable and still refused to go. I sat with her for 45 minutes. Eventually it happened but she was so upset. Her pediatrician knows about this and we have an appointment in two weeks. I'm not looking for anyone to diagnose or fix her, I think I just need to know other people have been in this exact place and maybe hear what small everyday things helped while you were waiting for answers. The expensive specialty stuff is not really in the budget so I am very much a prunes and warm bath type of household if that helps frame it.
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Oh this description of the cycle, the pain, then the fear, then holding it, then more pain. We lived this for almost a year when my son was 4. I just want to say you are not alone and you are clearly paying such close attention to her. That matters more than you probably feel like it does right now.
Also just want to add, now that my son is 5 and we are out of that stretch, the stool thing that Aylin mentioned above was a game changer for us too. Our pediatrician actually pointed it out at a regular checkup almost as an aside and I could not believe what a difference it made. Sometimes the simplest physical thing unlocks the whole situation a little.
The toilet fear is the part that broke me honestly. My daughter is 4 and we went through a stretch where she would literally shake when we tried to bring her to the bathroom. No advice just wanted to say I hear you, that part is so much harder than people expect.
The cycle you are describing, where pain causes fear which causes holding which causes more pain, is genuinely one of the hardest parts of childhood constipation and it is so common. You are seeing it clearly. A few things that are generally helpful from a gut-movement standpoint, and I always say please talk these through with your own pediatrician since they know your daughter. Movement after meals, even just a ten minute walk or playing outside, can help the gut do its thing. Warm baths before a toilet attempt can relax the muscles a bit. And sitting posture matters more than most people realize. If her feet are dangling she may actually be straining against herself. A little stool under her feet to bring her knees up can make the position much more natural. Nothing fancy required, a thick book works. The pears you mentioned are actually one of the better fruit choices for this because of the type of fiber in them. Apples with skin on also. Keeping those in the routine sounds like a solid instinct. Two weeks to her appointment feels long right now, I know. If things get significantly worse before then, please don't wait, just call the office.
The feet thing. I never even thought about that. She absolutely sits with her feet dangling, she is small for her age and that toilet is basically a throne for her. We have a little step stool in the bathroom already for the sink, I'm going to drag it over to the toilet tonight. This feels embarrassingly simple and I'm glad someone said it.
My son is 10 now and has Crohn's so constipation has been one of many things we have navigated over the years. One thing I kept underestimating early on was how much the emotional and physical parts feed each other. When kids feel anxious about something hurting they tense up, which makes it hurt more, which makes them more anxious. It becomes its own loop. What actually helped us break some of that loop was making the bathroom completely boring and low-pressure. No big reactions from us, no hovering, no 'did it work' questions. We started doing a puzzle or reading a book together near the bathroom, not watching her but just being nearby and calm. It took a few weeks but it helped her brain stop filing 'toilet' under 'scary event'. You are doing the right things tracking this and having an appointment on the books. Two weeks is not forever even though it feels like it right now.
The puzzle idea is something I wish I had thought of sooner. We used to stand there kind of waiting and hoping and it was clearly making my daughter more anxious. Now we just sort of hang out near the bathroom and pretend we are doing something else and it genuinely feels different.
Not embarrassingly simple at all. It's one of those things nobody ever thinks to mention. Glad it might help. Let us know how the appointment goes.
Small update for anyone who finds this later. Moved the step stool to the toilet two nights ago. She sat on it yesterday morning after breakfast and went, not painlessly but without the full crying episode, and she said it felt different. I don't want to jinx anything. We still have our appointment and I have a list of questions now. But last night she walked to the bathroom herself without me saying anything and I had to go to the kitchen so she wouldn't see my face. Thank you all, seriously.
The going to the kitchen so she wouldn't see your face. I felt that. Rooting for you both.