Nobody warned me encopresis was even a thing and now here we are
Ok so I have a 2 year old and I genuinely thought I had the whole digestive drama thing figured out because my first kid was textbook easy. Eat, poop, done. My second has apparently decided to be a completely different human being, which, fair enough, but I was not prepared for the word 'encopresis' to enter my life. We are in the very early stages of figuring out what is going on. Our pediatrician mentioned it at our last visit because my daughter has been having these small smearing accidents, not full blowouts, just these little... streaks? And she seems totally unaware it's happening, which I found confusing because I assumed kids always knew. Apparently not. She's not in pain, she's eating, she's happy. But I came home and googled encopresis and promptly terrified myself, which is always a great life choice. Anyone been through this with a young toddler? Especially curious if this can show up this early or if I am maybe just dealing with something else entirely. Pediatrician follow-up is already booked, not panicking, just... would love to hear from someone who has actually lived this.
Replies · 11
Oh I felt this post in my bones. The googling after the pediatrician visit is such a specific kind of torture. First thing I want to say is: you are clearly already doing the right thing by keeping that follow-up appointment and not spiraling too hard. We are deep in the encopresis journey with my 5 year old and I will be honest, when it started I cried in the parking lot of the pediatrician's office because I didn't understand how my kid could not feel it happening. That part is disorienting. Once someone explained to me that the sensation pathways can get kind of overwhelmed or tuned out over time, it clicked a little better. But it took a while to stop feeling like I was missing something obvious. At 2 years old things can look a lot of different ways. Really worth letting your pediatrician walk you through what they're seeing before you decide it fits any particular label. You're already doing that, so genuinely, good.
Aylin (RN) here. First, I want to echo what the comment above said, you are already ahead of the curve by having a follow-up booked. Just some general context because I know googling encopresis produces some scary results: the soiling accidents you're describing, small amounts, child not seeming aware, can happen for a few different reasons in toddlers and not all of them are the chronic encopresis picture you probably read about. At 2, the bowel and its signals are still pretty immature. It does not automatically mean you're looking at a long complicated road. The 'not noticing' piece is confusing for a lot of parents. In general terms, when stool gets backed up even mildly, the rectum can stretch enough that the normal 'I need to go' signal gets dulled. Kids aren't ignoring it, they genuinely may not feel it the way we'd expect. That's not a character flaw and it's not a parenting flaw. It's just how the plumbing works sometimes. None of this is a diagnosis for your daughter, just wanted to offer some context so the google results feel a little less scary. Your pediatrician knows your child. Trust that visit.
no advice here, my baby is only 10 months so this is all way beyond me but I just wanted to say the 'googled and terrified myself' thing is SO real. I do that constantly at 2am and then I can't sleep. following this thread because I feel like I'm going to need this info eventually and also I just really relate to your energy.
Thank you all so much, this is already making me feel less like I fell into a medical drama without a script. The explanation about the signal getting dulled helped a lot, that's what I couldn't wrap my head around. I kept thinking she must be doing it on purpose or that I missed some big sign earlier. My husband is convinced it's 'just a phase' and honestly I'm somewhere between his cheerful denial and my own 3am spiral so I appreciate the middle ground here. Can I ask, for those of you in it, did it start this subtly for you too? Like not a dramatic event, just a 'wait, when did that happen' kind of thing?
Yes. Exactly that. No dramatic moment. Just me one day going, hold on, why is this happening again. It crept up so gradually that I actually questioned my own memory of what normal had been. I think that's part of what makes it disorienting, there's no clear 'before and after' moment you can point to.
The gradual onset is actually pretty common from what I've seen clinically and personally. It's not usually a sudden dramatic change, which is part of why families often second-guess themselves before bringing it up. You didn't miss a flashing warning sign. These things are genuinely subtle at first.
Coming at this from the other end, my kid is 13 and we dealt with this years ago. I want to say something that I wish someone had told me at the beginning: try really hard not to let any of your stress or confusion show in front of her. I know that sounds obvious but it's hard when you're confused yourself. At 2 she obviously has no awareness of a label, but the bathroom stress that parents sometimes accidentally radiate can lodge itself in little kids in ways that make the physical stuff harder. We were very matter-of-fact about it and I think that helped our child keep it from becoming a shame thing. Anyway. Not telling you what to do, just what I'd go back and tell myself.
This is such a good point and something I genuinely hadn't thought about. She is 2 so she's a sponge for everything right now. I've been making a face without realizing it probably. Noted, hard, going to work on that.
the 'radiate stress without meaning to' thing hit me. I do that already with my 10 month old and she literally cannot even talk yet. why are we like this.
Checking back in the next morning. Hope the follow-up goes well whenever it is. Just wanted to add, after sleeping on it, that one thing that helped us enormously early on was keeping the bathroom routine really low-key and regular. Same time every day, no pressure, no reaction either way. It took months to feel like it was doing anything but eventually it helped build back some of that signal that gets lost. Sharing in case it's something your team suggests too. You're clearly a thoughtful parent, that matters more than people give credit for.
Thank you for coming back to say this. We don't have our follow-up until Thursday but I've already started just keeping things calm and routine around bathroom time without making a production of it. Hard to know if it's doing anything yet but it feels better than hovering anxiously which was my previous strategy. Honestly this whole thread has been more grounding than two hours of googling. Will try to update after Thursday.